The Happening

This is M. Night's happening and it bores me to death. Some how he felt the need to say “the happening” or “it's happening” at least once every 2 minutes. There are so many mentions it wouldn't even make a good drinking game, you'd be passed out before the halfway point (not that that's a bad thing). Constantly saying the title isn't clever, it's just annoying.

Please tell me it's not just me, but doesn't every M. Night movie feel like the mediocre scripts Alfred Hitchcock passed on? It's unfair to hold him up to the high standards of Hitchcock, but these M. Night movies don't even come close. And even in Hitchcock's lesser films he still approached it enthusiastically; the same can not be said for M. Night as it's obvious he's just phoning it in now.

The Happening feels like a thriller with training wheels. You don't need to think, just listen for the 'Spooky' violins and you'll know something suspenseful is about to happen. Now I understand there are certain film conventions directors use to tell a story, but the movie just feels like M. Night is holding our hand the entire way. Not following the plot, or confused on plot points? Don't worry it won't matter.

I'll get straight to the plot now, the trees do it. The movie starts in a high school, where Mark Wahlberg is teaching a class. He asks them about their theories on the disappearing bees. Finally one student says it's a mystery of nature and no one will ever be able to explain it. This is foreshadowing for beginners, and deflates any sense of suspense the movie might have had (it wouldn't have been much anyway). The class discussion is interrupted by an announcement that a happening is happening (sic) and that school is being let out for the day. Terrorists are suspected of releasing a neurotoxin that causes people to kill themselves so the entire population of New York City evacuate. Mark Wahlberg gets onto a train with his wife, John Leguizamo and his daughter. They're headed to Philadelphia until the train stops in the middle of nowhere and everyone is forced to get out.

Happenings begin to happen all around them, as the main cast heads west looking for refuge. John Leguizamo (a math teacher) splits up from the group and heads east looking for his wife. His character is so annoying that he causes the driver he's hitching a ride with to commit suicide by driving into a tree at full speed killing everyone in the car (really). Mark, his wife and John's kid continue west, they see people kill themselves with guns, a wood chipper (made me laugh) and an assortment of other ways. Mark finally figures out that plants are sending out neurotoxins because they perceive humans to be a threat. The take home message here is that the rain forests are weak and dumb and apparently incapable of defending themselves, but North American trees, grass, garden vegetables, etc are deadly. At first plants are only capable of killing people who are in large groups, but they eventually get smarter and are finally capable of pinpoint killing people in groups of one or two.

My favorite part was when a scientist on TV produces a graph showing that happenings usually continue to grow in strength for about 24 hours then stop completely. This is an interesting fact, especially considering he mistakenly believes the happening to be caused by terrorists. This isn't an isolated incident either, almost everyone in the movie conveniently knows more than they should about things they should know nothing about. This is mostly a byproduct of M. Night holding our hands through the movie making sure we don't miss any essential plot points (the trees do it, theres no essential plot points beyond that).

Finally Mark, his wife and John's daughter find their way to an isolated house inhabited by a creepy old woman. She does generally creepy things, and her house is darkly lit so at times there almost seems like there should be some suspense, but it's too far into the movie by this point, and you already know better. The three refugees spend the night at the creepy womans house. In the morning Mark goes to tell the creepy old woman that they're leaving. She's hiding behind her door and pops out and says some creepy paranoid but still irrelevant things then runs outside. She stands in the middle of a bunch of plants and for a moment you think maybe she's behind the whole happening. She's paranoid, creepy, stays to herself, doesn't care about the world around her and talks about her plants. The wind swirls around her and you think maybe she's the one controlling the plants. It turns out she's insignificant and the plants kill her. Mark runs outside to his wife and John's daughter. Luckily for him the happening has just ended and they all survive. They move back to New York City and it's revealed that the plants really are behind everything. They did it as a warning.

Rating:
7/10 bads.

There are a few moments of unintentional humor and significant plot holes. The story is mediocre and fails to achieve any level of suspense. If you don't mind your kids watching people throw themselves into wood chippers and shoot their brains out (there's no real gore, they show the shoes as people shoot themselves) then it might make a good introduction to the Thriller genre. They won't have to think too much about the plot and it's not too scary. Although it would probably turn them off to the genre, seeing as it has no real redeeming qualities and isn't entertaining in any way.

(10 being the worst movie possible, 1 being only slightly below average. In general, the higher the score, the higher the likely hood of unintentional humor.)